Role of the Muslim Wife:

We all have different roles; The foundation of society is husband and wife – their communication with each other and their kids.

Important to remember that you are a wife first, and then mother.

The wrong approach: 

You need to provide for me, and get these groceries for me, and this type of meat for me, I want this car;

The right approach:

You are the support and strength for your spouse and there is give and take

Examples of Adam and Hawa AS and Muhammad SAW and Khadijah RA – lots of great examples within our tradition of balanced and healthy relationships.

Be the strength for your husband;

Wrong approach: He should just “know” how I am feeling but did you communicate your feelings?

You grew as a mom, you had a certain number of kids – you grew with your kids; your needs have changed etc.

Marriage as a sense of tranquility:

It’s not that you are kind to me, so I am kind to you. I will still be nice to you; not competing with each other, I did this, so you did this; marriage is not a contract, it’s a relationship; the Nikah is a contract about rights and responsibilities to ensure fairness but lived reality is grounded in love and mercy and compassion

These kids are little cameras; they are watching how you eat, how you sleep, and work

Communicate with the kids about your own shortcomings to improve their relationship with Allah swt, “I missed my Fajr, or I missed my morning adkhaar or morning Quran” the whole point of homeschooling was tarbiyyah; so if you do have to stay home a lot, and it’s difficult but see if it’s worth it.

The husband and wife are not competing with each other; decision making as a couple; completed half of faith as you did Nikkah

Letting your kids see you fight and makeup;

If you have to be the bigger person, then do it!

Example of Khadijah RA and her support to the Prophet SAW; Khadijah RA was remembered even after as well and the legacy she left.

The couple who does tafseer together, stays together (an extension from the couple who prays together stays together).

Gender roles, parenting attachment, culture – plays a big role as well; going out – kids will learn to cook, laundry, etc. seeing your own mom work outside of the home; not demonizing help or daycare as that can be part of the village;  conversation needs to happen about intense conflict and abuse in marriages.

Live a little, relax, hug them, chill together

Pressure popping; kids telling you “you are so stressed” and “are you okay” à not vacuuming, bathrooms, laundry etc. and you think of yourself as a failure. Your kids are nurtured to sense that you are not doing okay, they are not judging you.

• Instill love for Allah swt : Mama loves you and Allah loves you the Most.

Lessons from Surah Tahreem: Work on yourself; we all related to different parts of the Quran; Surah Luqman – instill Tawheed; initial foundational years, have the Quran – you don’t even need the curriculum per se at early years, use the Quran and prophetic stories to guide you

• Critical nuanced perspective on “modelling”– modelling can sometimes feel hypocritical; just be the best version of yourself instead of trying to be super pious in front of your kids and then something else when they are not there. Kids are intuitive and will pick up on it, and as they get older even call you out on it

• Having taqwa and God consciousness in our lives; general knowledge of human psychology; this should be a mandatory course to take; finances; politics; general knowledge

• Have a mindset of a student/learner – keep an open mind; your kids will ask you questions throughout the day. Your kids have that mindset of learning; growth mindset

• Homeschooling is an investment for the Akhiraah; Our Marriage is an investment for the Akhiraah as well; our goal is Jannah

• Do the daily, intentional work and inner work

• Murrabbi – Have the mindset of a Murabbi and continue the journey.